


You Just Can't Run From the Funnel of Love (It's Bound To Get You Someday)

by citizenjess (givehimonemore)



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Allusions to MPREG, Canon Compliant, Half-Sibling Incest, Intersex Loki (Marvel), Loki Makes His Own Lube, M/M, Pre-Thor (2011), References to Norse Religion & Lore, tragic foreshadowing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 16:17:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14719455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givehimonemore/pseuds/citizenjess
Summary: "Thor is not the first patron god to observe the yearly rite [of Fertility Day], and he will not be the last."





	You Just Can't Run From the Funnel of Love (It's Bound To Get You Someday)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [patientalien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/patientalien/gifts).



> I don't know where this idea came from. Title comes from "Funnel of Love" by Wanda Jackson, the opening song to the movie Only Lovers Left Alive. I made up Fertility Day, though it's not super far-fetched when one considers that Thor is legit considered the God of Fertility, among other things.

Fertility Day is an antiquated annual tradition during the lengthy, tepid Asgardian calendar year, but one yet taken seriously by the planet's population of farmers and artisans. Thor is not the first patron god to observe the yearly rite, and he will not be the last. 

It's not a party in his specific honor, then, per se, but it's easy enough to get caught up in the hours of pampering, preparations with aromatic oils and observing the erotic bathing rituals of several citizens, for whom the ability to put on a bit of a show for their future king it was considered a great honor. The day of celebration comes to a climax, correctly, after Thor spends an evening ceremonially taking as many maidens as possible in the span of an evening. Thor's next day was always spent sleeping, recovering his energy reserves, in order to return promptly to his other royal duties.

It is on this second day when Thor always expects to see Loki again. During the day of ritual proper, the God of Mischief always seems to make himself scarce; Thor suspects his brother is somewhat disgusted by the excesses of the day - ironic, since Loki is the very definition of being extra - but it is ever all the sweeter to see him again, his most frequent and precious bed mate.

Tonight, Loki steals into his room swiftly, after everyone else has left, and bespells the walls to hide their secrets from prying eyes and ears. He suspects it wouldn't be looked on terribly kindly by Asgardian residents at large that the bulk of Thor's seed is spent uselessly inside of and on his brother on most other days of the year. Bad enough that their days and nights will be even further spaced apart once Thor becomes King; the last thing Loki needs added to the time sensitive nature of their current arrangement is shame.

"You look particularly debauched this year." His brother's voice is silky and runs across his skin like a soft breeze, even before a slender fingered hand cards itself through his long, splayed blond hair. There is yet a bitterness to his next words: "I suppose that's what happens when you repeat the Ritual of Revitalization in such quick succession with one person."

On his back, flushed and bare to the waist, Thor rolls his eyes. "You do not need to be envious of Lady Sif, brother."

"Who's jealous?" Loki's voice is grumpy. They both fall silent. Perched on Thor's bed, Loki's hands appear to conjure from air a small vial. Thor needs not ask after it's contents, both because Loki always brings Thor the soothing oil of his own making on this day, no matter how grumpy the previous day makes him, and also because of the unmistakable icy, minty smell that wafts towards him when the vial is uncorked.

Thor smiles and closes his eyes, face skyward. Anticipation of Loki's cool fingers massaging the fragrant moisture into the skin of his chest and neck and head does not quite prepare him for how cold Loki's hands truly are, but the surprise does not lower Thor's enjoyment of this practice between them. "You needn't worry," he says again, opening his eyes to see Loki watch him speak. His hands still. "I love you more than anything across the nine realms. That will not change."

"You can't possibly know that." Loki is grumpy again, but his hands return to their previous quest with a bit more vigor than before. He'll never admit it to anyone in the nine realms, but the simple statement of his brother's affections flatters him. One hand brushes close to a nipple and Thor grunts. "Especially not once you're King and expected to produce an heir. I presume your night time activities might become quite a lot more conception focused than it is now."

Thor considers this as if it's a new topic between them, cocking his head. "I suppose the only way our evenings together wouldn't end once I am King is to impregnate you," he chuckles. "You could use your magics, transform yourself to suit the task."

Loki snorts loudly. "While we're at it, we'll find a way to have your body produce milk. You can ceremonially feed those born at the previous year's rite. Serve the people in an even greater capacity." He pinches the nipple previously carded over carelessly, illustrating his point. The oil on his fingers makes them slippery, and the concoction leaves an icy sting on the puckered nub. "They'd be even more sensitive than this when you were finished." Thor hisses. Loki does it again, simultaneously to both nipples, this time, and then flattens his palms and spiders his fingers between Thor's now glittering pectorals. 

"Bite your tongue," Thor laughs. Then he catches Loki about the wrists with his own hands, and they still together. "It would never work," he offers a moment later. "Who knows what creation the mingling of our familial blood might produce." 

"I don't know what you're talking about, I'm clearly adopted," Loki intones dramatically. He's not, of course, but Loki's disinterest in many of Thor's quests and battles, among other things, could make a case for such things. Rebelliously, his fingers, still not warm by any stretch of the imagination, once again dance across Thor's skin, even with his wrists encircled by Thor's own thick, gruff digits. 

Thor huffs, grinning. "You are part Frost Giant, clearly," he jokes. He tugs at Loki's arms then, and Loki lets himself be laid across Thor's front. Their lips meet in a chaste kiss once he's there. "Let me warm you up." There is a beat of silence. "Milady," he adds, and Loki pushes at his face in mock offense.

"I'm the female half-Frost Giant of your dreams." The kissing continues. Loki does not, in fact, bespell his genitals to encourage Thor to impregnate him this night, though he does make quick work of his own clothing with a waggle of his fingers and a near silent incantation. Thor yet remains in his breeches. Loki's fingers quest towards them. His hand busies itself untying them in between wiping yet more oil into Thor's golden skin. He runs his index finger purposefully down the small trail of hair leading to Thor's groin, and then makes first contact proper with his brother's cock, now considerably interested in the events of this night.

"Brother," Thor moans, and Loki takes it as encouragement to grasp at the member, allowing it too access to the magical oil that seems to have the ability to both cool and heat Thor's skin in turns. He knows Thor could come from this contact alone, but isn't surprised to feel his brother begin to roll them over, until he's positioned between Loki's own thighs, Thor's member rubbing Loki's definitively male genitals briefly. 

Thor reaches between them to guide his own cock towards Loki's backside. Momentarily, he let's go of Loki's member to tap his fingers against the other man's puckered anus. The oil is generous, and Thor's first two fingers, and then a third, slide into Loki's slick channel with ease after little preparation. "Think about how ready your womanhood would be for me," Thor proposes.

Loki shoves at his shoulder. "Stop being stupid." His eyelashes flutter to feel Thor replace the fingers in Loki's ass hole with his only definitively male genitalia. "Tell me why you stupidly love me so," he challenges, and it is as much out of smugness as it is apprehension that, in fact, Thor does not. 

Thor kisses along his jawline, and then down his neck. "You're wonderful," he intones between humming against Loki's skin. "Tempestuous. Lovely. Poisonously intelligent." He drives into Loki's backside further. "Flexible," he grins against the back of Loki's neck.

"Hmmm," Loki considers. "So you like me for my body and mind. How progressive."

"They are equally worthy of my adoration." Thor begins pumping Loki's cock in time to his thrusts into Loki's backside. "I presume you are similarly smitten with me for equally flattering reasons."

"You are occasionally pleasing to observe, and eager as a Midgardian puppy." The words could be insulting, but the smile creeping up the sides of Loki's mouth belies his true feelings. "And fertile," he offers, and Thor laughs in his ear. They continue to move together, until both are reduced from words to breathy grunts. After Thor spends himself, and Loki, too, is heaving gently beneath him in post-orgasmic space himself, the smaller man adds, "I believe you might have come in my giant, adorable brain tonight, brother."

"Hopefully there is less harm done than to your giant, adorable ass hole." This time, Thor has to duck Loki's flying limbs. "Hey."

"Get out of me, you giant oaf." Thor does, gradually, and rearranges just enough so that Loki is gathered against his chest, facing him now,

"You forgot 'adorable.'"

"I didn't." The eye contact is unexpectedly serious. "I simply didn't voice the 'devastatingly beautiful' part aloud." 

"Loki." Thor kisses him then, and Loki's eyes slide shut. "How you could think I have the ability to ever leave you is beyond me. Clearly, you are the oaf between us."

Loki's mouth quirks against his own. "But an adorable one." Sleep comes soon for them both after that. It will last until the first inklings of dawn, when Loki will inexplicably, instinctively awaken and take his leave, his scent and essence rubbed thoroughly into Thor's bedding and skin and soul, a remnant of their brief immortal time together that remained behind, even when jealousy and duty see fit in varying intervals to keep them apart.

"Devastatingly adorable," Thor murmurs into the crown of Loki's hair, and lets himself rest before he must get up and begin the long day ahead.


End file.
